Hi there.

Look, I have a birthmark on the top of my head.

Look, I have a birthmark on the top of my head.

Welcome to Nerve 10.

I’m Jordan, and I created this site because I couldn’t find mental health information on the Internet that I could relate to.

Nerve 10 is where you will find the most accessible, most meaningful mental health stories and poetry on the world wide web.

My goal is not to regurgitate technical terms and generic information—it’s to create a more realistic and helpful mental health narrative.

What Is My Purpose? You Won't Know It Until You're In It.

What Is My Purpose? You Won't Know It Until You're In It.

man standing on top of mountain looking for purpose

It's a good question without an obvious answer.

The way to find your purpose it to live your life.

Sound trite? It's because it is.

You can't know what you're supposed to do with your life until you've spent time living your life.

You have to roll around in the dust until it's caked onto your limbs and baked into your nostrils.

You have to be vulnerable before you can ever have a chance at connection.

Purpose is shrouded in living. There's no way around that.

When I was a kid, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. g

My gut reaction to the common question of "What do you want to be when you grow up?" was to announce, "I want to change careers as a career!"

Funny enough, that intuitive feeling was closer than any "truth" my mind tried to latch onto adopt.

I work for a startup now. I didn't even know what that word was when I was a kid. I couldn't even have imagined the position I find myself in--and that's a good thing.

The best things have come to me; I've pulled them into my orbit.

You take a stab at what you think will make you happy, you test it out for a while, and then you make a decision if you want to keep at it or change course. That's all that you can do. Any grand vision to plan out your life, step by step, is premeditated resentment.

That is, it's setting yourself up for failure.

So, what is your purpose in this life? I can't tell you that. Each one of us is burdened with this task.

Maybe we will figure it out, and maybe we won't.

The point is less in the end result--and more in the "figuring out" of it all.

No one walks around proud of the fact that they can tie their shoes. That simple feat has long been forgotten. But I assure you that your body remembers the feeling of learning to get it right. You toiled with your tiny fingers--and then, just like that, it was done.

You drain yourself of all vitality during your school years--and then, just like that, it's done.

The purpose is in the process. Lose sight of the process, and you lose sight of yourself.

I eventually found myself in the mental health field because it's messy. It's raw. It's bound to destroy you if you haven't put in the work to figure yourself out first.

I think, subconsciously, I was drawn in so that I could do the work. My insatiable curiosity knew that, before I could learn about other people, before I could be there for them, I had to learn, once and for all, to be there for myself.

Purpose isn't a career you escape into. You are the purpose.

You must bury yourself and your early ideals and your ego-driven notions about what is wrong and right with the world. And then you must rebuild it all.

You have to ask questions, You have to never be satisfied with the answers.

Anyone who says, "I've seen it all" is not to be trusted.

The purpose is in the ever-evolving mystery that is your life.

I grew up thinking I had to become something. Now, I search for meaning in a life that is always in the process of becoming.

I'm in flux, and you are too.

My heart failed when I was 24 years old, and I did nothing to deserve it. It just happened.

I had to remake my life.

Some of my friends are still my friends after all these years. Many of them are not.

Change is a constant we can't deny.

And that's part of your purpose--to become accustomed to the changing nature of all things.

You are not the same person as you were when you started reading this.

So, your purpose is to never stop until the curtain has fallen. When the show is over, and the crowd has gone home, you will be the one standing behind it all.

Will you get down in the dirt and grovel, looking for spoon-fed morsels of meaning?

Or will you pick it up and let the sand drift through your fingers like sentient shreds of light?

Either choice could be the right one.

When that time comes, your purpose is in knowing, without a doubt, the choice that is right for you.

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